Letter to Bishop Suggesting He Not Announce My Excommunication

Cites example of how excommunication, like divorce, tends to bring the worst out of a person; therefore the need to seek a higher way.

Feb. 11, 2005

Bishop Logan Freeman
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Re: Pending announcement in EM 1st Ward of SDA excommunication

Dear Logan,

My wife’s and my hearts are heavy at the thought of what you said you will be doing this coming Sunday in informing the ward in Sacrament meeting and Relief Society of my “excommunicated for apostasy” status.

I said last night that I thought it was best for it to come from you in that setting rather than through the usual channels of gossip that inevitably transpire.

Having slept on it and discussed it with my wife and parents last night and this morning, I need to let you know that I do not think that this would be a good thing.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie (book) “Scarlet Letter,” but I’m sure you’ve heard of it and the gist of the story. A woman was spurned by her community and forced to wear a big letter “A” on her person, for “adultery.” It turns out that the priesthood authority that had ordered this to be done was itself guilty of the very thing.

It has been a terrible burden to be treated with scorn in the communities where I have lived since 1993 when I was excommunicated. That scorn has carried to my wife and family now that I am married and am raising a family. I am deeply grateful to have such a supportive wife and beautiful children. My children are yet too young to comprehend that their father is any different from other fathers, or that how we are treated as a family is not usual.

Though most people who have known us at least share a smile on the street, almost none dare get any closer than talking about the weather. In Utah, being excommunicated for apostasy carries with it pretty much the worst stigma possible – almost like the devil incarnate or something. Some are sympathetic, but still afraid to have any association lest they be cut off in similar manner because of being viewed as an ally.

To many, I think we present a paradox more than they want to handle. We seem nice enough, yet the church has seen fit to take such drastic measures, and has not rescinded that action. The default is to assume that the Church knows what it is doing, that we deserve what we have gotten, and to thus maintain a solid distance between us.

In the movie “Scarlet Letter,” the woman so scornfully treated is actually a pretty decent person, much more so than most in the community so far as her charitable heart. The woeful treatment has refined her, making her much stronger as a result. She became a much deeper person, making her continued spurning all the more ironic and inappropriate.

My wife is so disappointed in your response and intended actions this coming Sunday that she is seriously contemplating having her name removed from the membership of the Church. (Upon reading this copy she added that the biggest disappointment for her was your statement that I do not have the Holy Ghost, for she has observed otherwise.) She compares it to a woman in an abusive marriage. She has had enough abuse and wishes to formally declare that she no longer wishes to be associated with an institution that is presently in such a shallow mind-set as to treat people of different religious persuasions so poorly. I am not inclined to dissuade her.

My dad said that in his years as a bishop and stake president that he saw what happened when an excommunication was announced, and how the person was treated by the members of the church thereafter. “Most people don’t handle it very well,” was his observation.

His advice to me was to remember the example of the Savior and of Joseph Smith in how they responded to those who treated them poorly. I have tried to adhere to these role models over the years, sometimes better than others.

Another analogy might be drawn here. Just as marriage can bring out the best in a person, and divorce bring out the worst; I have observed that people will treat one another good just because they are Mormon (“married” in the analogy), likewise, when someone has been excommunicated, the members’ worst behavior comes forward in their treatment of the person removed from membership. There are, of course, exceptions to this, but they are somewhat rare.

The “divorce brings out the worst behavior” analogy applies in reverse as well -- not just to the members in their treatment of one excommunicated, but also applies to those who have been excommunicated and how they treat the Church. I’m sure you saw a lot of that in those you knew from Sanpete valley who were removed for “apostasy.” The worst behavior was evoked and often prevailed. I have tried to be an exception to that rule in my response, though not always as ideal as possible.

As I write this, two visiting teachers from the ward are here visiting with Cheri. They are warm and friendly with her in a genuine way. Of course Cheri is a “member” as far as they are concerned. The visiting teachers in Ephraim were similarly cordial – though they stopped coming for the last year or so that we lived there.

My advice to you would be to not announce that I’m excommunicated as you were planning, but to say something to the following effect:

Recently, someone has moved into our ward boundaries who has received disciplinary action from the Church to the point of being excommunicated for “extreme beliefs.” We invite you to remember the admonitions of the Savior in your treatment of this person and any others you know who might find themselves in this position.

The natural reaction to someone different is to shun them. We urge you to seek and remember the highest gospel principles in your behavior in this matter, and in all matters of your life. Remember longsuffering. Remember tolerance. Remember kindness. Remember doing good. Remember forgiveness. Remember meekness. And most of all, remember charity, which is the greatest gift of God.

Every person has a purpose and mission in life, and has gifts of the spirit to impart to those around them. We invite you to find and celebrate the good in one another.

Again, we invite you to use this opportunity to put into greater practice what you have learned – to be worthy of the title of “latter-day saint.”

You might even put it in writing and have the home teachers deliver it to the families in the ward.

That is what I believe Jesus would do.

Sincerely, your neighbor and brother in Christ,

Sterling D. Allan
http://sterlingdallan.com

See also

"Would God that ALL the Lord's People Were PROPHETS"

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