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RESTORATION BAPTISM OF FIRE EXPERIENCES Addendum to “Open Letter To All Restoration Groups”, March, 2001 G. Randall Klimt
These detailed experiences are so critically important because they put flesh on the bare bones of the scriptural phrases. The experience is FAR, FAR beyond what most people think it is. There are many vital lessons to learn from these sacred experiences. My deepest thanks to all who have shared these with me. It is not possible in the “Open letter” and this Addendum to address common questions. That’s the purpose of the book “Experiencing The Mighty Change”. It is my view that the single most important “plain and precious thing” deleted from the Bible is information about the baptism of fire, both doctrinal explanations as well as a number of actual experiences. That information on this was once far more abundant in the scriptures is apparent from Christ’s explanation to Nicodemus about the necessity for being born of the Spirit and then his question “Art thou a master of Israel and knowest not these things?” John 3:10 Jesus could not have legitimately expected Nicocdemus to fully understand this doctrine if it was not fully explained in the scriptures then existing. Today the only detailed experience left in the Bible is the day of Pentecost experience and there is virtually NO useful doctrinal explanation beyond the bare bones of the brief exchange between Jesus and Nicodemus. Almost without exception EVERY prophet writer in the Book of Mormon and especially Christ speaks of the doctrine some in much greater detail than others. The Book of Mormon contains a number of dramatic accounts of baptisms of fire and the Holy Ghost including those of King Benjamin’s people, the two Almas - elder and younger, Enos, King Lamoni and his father, the group experience of the lynch mob of 300 Lamanites in Helaman Chapters 5:20-49 [RLDS 2:82-114], and the newly chosen twelve disciples in 3 Nephi 19:7-20 [RLDS 9:8-20]. The only dramatic detailed BOF experience in the restoration scriptures not found in the Book of Mormon is Enoch’s retelling of Adam’s experience in the Moses 6 in the Pearl of Great Price. There are also several special accounts from early restoration history. While these are generally brief, sketchy accounts they are still important. First, Joseph’s account of his and Oliver’s experience from a portion of his personal history. Joseph Smith-History 1:68-7. We start at verse 73 with their emergence from the waters of baptism. “73 Immediately on our coming up out of the water after we had been baptized, we experienced great and glorious blessings from our Heavenly Father. No sooner had I baptized Oliver Cowdery, than the Holy Ghost fell upon him, and he stood up and prophesied many things which should shortly come to pass. And again, so soon as I had been bapitzed by him, I also had the spirit of prophecy, when, standing up, I prophesied concerning the rise of this Church, and many other things connected with the church, and this generation of the children of men. We were filled with the Holy Ghost, and rejoiced in the God of our salvation. 74 Our minds being now enlightened, we began to have the scriptures laid open to our understandings, and he true meaning and intention of their more mysterious passages revealed unto us in a manner which we could never attain to previously, nor ever before had thought of. “ The following is from "The Life Of Heber C. Kimball" by Orson F. Whitney, Bookcraft, 1943. Heber C. Kimball was baptized on April 16, 1832 in or near Mendon, New York joining a congregation in that area of approximately thirty souls that included John and Mary Young, Sen.; Brigham and Miriam Young; Phineas H. and Clarissa Young; Joseph Young; Lorenzo D. and Persis Young; and Fanny Young. Heber C. Kimball described his baptism of fire in the following words: "Under the ordinances of baptism and the laying on of hands, I received the Holy Ghost, as the disciples did in ancient days, which was like a consuming fire. I felt as though I sat at the feet of Jesus, and was clothed in my right mind, although the people called me crazy. I continued in this way for many months, and it seemed as though my body would consume away; at the same time the scriptures were unfolded to my mind in such a wonderful manner that it appeared to me, at times, as if I had formerly been familiar with them." "The Life Of Heber C. Kimball", pp. 22—3. After recounting Heber C. Kimball's experience, Orson F. Whitney then wrote the following: "The branch in Mendon began to flourish, and the gifts of the spirit were poured out upon its members. This branch is reputed to have been the second in the Church to receive the gift of tongues. One of the branches in Pennsylvania was the first in which that gift was manifested. Such a pentecostal renewal could scarcely take place without a corresponding movement of opposition on the part of the powers of darkness. The inevitable was at hand. Satan commenced to rage, and the Saints were annoyed and persecuted. Heber's former friends turned against him. His creditors combined to push him to the wall. During one week five or six executions were taken out against him. His brother Solomon was the only one outside the Church, willing to lend him a helping hand in his financial troubles, resulting from the inimical actions of his neighbors and old—time associates. His brother Charles, who had formerly befriended him, was dead. But the Lord opened his way, much to the chagrin of his persecutors, and he obtained money to meet his liabilities, so that none of his property was sold at auction." Ibid, pg. 23. Others also enjoyed similar spiritual blessings. Some time after being baptized and ordained an Elder by Joseph Young, Heber began laboring in the ministry as a missionary with both Joseph and Brigham Young. They labored with others in Avon, Genesee, and Lyonstown with significant success. Heber recounted the spiritual blessings that some of the new converts enjoyed on one occasion, thusly: "Brother Ezra Landon preached in Avon and Genesee, baptized eighteen or twenty, and being afraid to confirm them and promise the Holy Ghost, he requested me to confirm them, which I did according to the best of my knowledge, pronouncing but a few words on the head of each one, and invariably saying, 'Receive ye the Holy Ghost in the name of Jesus Christ.' Immediately the Holy Ghost fell upon them, and several commenced speaking in tongues before they arose from their knees, and we had a joyful time. Some ten or twelve spoke in tongues, neither of whom had ever heard any person speak in tongues before, they being the first baptized in that place." Ibid, pg. 24 The following account by Lorenzo Snow of his baptism of fire was taken from "The Presidents Of The Church" by Preston Nibley, Deseret Book, 1945. "I was baptized by Elder John Boynton, then one of the Twelve Apostles, June, 1836, at Kirtland, Ohio. Previous to accepting the ordinance of baptism, in my investigations of the principles taught by the Latter—day Saints, which I proved by comparison to be the same as those mentioned in the New Testament taught by Christ and His Apostles, I was thoroughly convinced that obedience to those principles would impart miraculous powers, manifestations and revelations. With sanguine expectation of this result, I received baptism and the ordinance of laying on of hands by one who professed to have divine authority; and having thus yielded obedience to these ordinances, I was in constant expectation of the fulfillment of the promise of the reception of the Holy Ghost. The manifestation did not immediately follow my baptism as I had expected, but although the time was deferred, when I did receive it, its realization was more perfect, tangible and miraculous than even my strongest hopes had led me to anticipate. Some two or three weeks after I was baptized, one day while engaged in my studies, I began to reflect upon the fact that I had not obtained a knowledge of the truth of the work - that I had not realized the fulfillment of the promise, 'he that doeth my will shall know of the doctrine,' and I began to feel very uneasy. I laid aside my books, left the house and wandered around through the fields under the oppressive influence of a gloomy, disconsolate spirit, while an indescribable cloud of darkness seemed to envelope me. I had been accustomed, at the close of day, to retire for secret prayer, to a grove a short distance from my lodgings, but at this time I felt no inclination to do so. The spirit of prayer had departed and the heavens seemed like brass over my head. At length, realizing that the usual time had come for secret prayer, I concluded I would not forego my evening service, and, as a matter of formality, knelt as I was in the habit of doing, and in my accustomed, retired place, but not feeling as I was wont to feel. I had no sooner opened my lips in an effort to pray, than I heard a sound, just above my head, like the rustling of silken robes; and immediately the spirit of God descended upon me; completely enveloping my whole person, filling me from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, and 0 the joy and happiness I felt! No language can describe the almost instantaneous transition from a dense cloud of mental and spiritual darkness into a refulgence of light and knowledge, that God lives, that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and of the restoration of the Holy Priesthood, and the fulness of the Gospel. It was a complete baptism - a tangible immersion in the heavenly principle or element, the Holy Ghost; and even more real and physical in its effects upon every part of my system than the immersion by water; dispelling forever, so long as reason and memory last, all possibility of doubt or fear in relation to the fact handed down to us historically that the "babe of Bethlehem'' is truly the son of God; also the fact that He is now being revealed to the children of men, and communicating knowledge, the same as in Apostolic times. I was perfectly satisfied, as well I might be, for my expectations were more than realized; I think I may safely say, in an infinite degree. I cannot tell how long I remained in the full flow of the blissful enjoyment and divine enlightenment, but it was several minutes before the celestial element which filled and surrounded me began gradually to withdraw. On arising from my kneeling posture, with my heart swelling with gratitude to God, beyond the power of expression, I felt - I knew that He had conferred on me what only an omnipotent being can confer - that which is of greater value than all the wealth and honors worlds can bestow. That night as I retired to rest, the same wonderful manifestations were repeated, and continued to be for several successive nights. The sweet remembrance of those glorious experiences, from that time to the present, brings them fresh before me, imparting an inspiring influence which pervades my whole being, and I trust will to the close of my earthly existence." "The Presidents Of The Church", pp. 173—176.
I now offer a few far more detailed accounts of baptisms of fire being received today. It is NOT relevant what church these people are members of. What is relevant is their faith and desire. The first principal of spiritual growth is “ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you.” This promise is to ALL WHO HAVE FAITH IN CHRIST AND DESIRE.
My 54 Week Journey I share this sacred account of my "born again" experience only that it may help another in his or her search to "come unto Christ." (Moroni 10) My quest for a difference in my life began in 1981. I knew there was more spiritually than I was getting through my church meetings. I was dissatisfied with my Sunday, only learning from other people, and began an in depth search of the scriptures. I read book after book, attended lectures, education weeks, and listened to devotionals. I had a hunger and thirst that could not be satisfied. I look back now and realize the yearnings I had were to lead me to the "mighty change.'' I was so inexperienced in spiritual things I kept thinking my yearnings would be satisfied by books and other people's ideas, rather than going to my Heavenly Father in prayer, and using the scriptures more. The more I studied and learned with my head, deep in my heart I knew I knew nothing, especially about my Savior. There was more to the scriptures than stories and nice quotes, but they were sealed to me and they weren't the sealed portion!!! They were sealed because my eyes were blind and my ears were dull of hearing. In 1986 President Benson gave a talk about the Church being under condemnation. I was part of that and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I didn't like being under condemnation from the Lord. This was the Lord's servant and mouthpiece and I took very literally what He said. I wanted that lifted off me, not just me but my family, friends, and everyone. My study intensified. Some days I studied more than others. We had several children during this time so my days were hectic, but I spent time daily in study and prayer. In the fall of 1992, after unending locked doors in my spiritual searching, feeling like I almost had it, but because I lacked pieces so I had nothing, I heard a talk that held the key. I learned about the children of Israel and how they, like us, were under condemnation. I learned what they lacked was the willingness to let the Savior's gift work for them, they wanted to do it themselves (That explains the 600 plus commandments). The Savior's gift-The Atonement-How did that apply in my life? Where did I fit in all of this? I knew a lot about the gift in my head, but my heart did not understand. I had some traumatic family events shortly after this that stripped me naked spiritually. There was nothing there. I felt like a stained glass window that had been pushed out of its frame and lay on the floor in hundreds of pieces. I had been studying for 12 years. I had much head learning, but my heart had barely been used. The mourning all but stopped my progress. I was numbed emotionally. I was in a survival mode. I had no extended family support, my friends all left, I was alone. What I knew in my head really didn't matter much. I learned how "nothing" we are without our Heavenly Father and His Son, our Redeemer. I knew what King Benjamin’s message to his people about out "nothingness." (Mosiah 2) In December of '93 I read a talk about prayer and overcoming false beliefs. I realized I didn't know how to pray. I had a lot of false beliefs caused by "traditions of the fathers and disobedience." (D&C 93:39) For Christmas I received a copy of the book "Experiencing The Mighty Change." I read this book. So many bits and pieces I had studied were all put together under one cover. This book literally saved me 20 more years of study. As I read this book, I realized this was what the Spirit, the study, and all the experiences were driving me towards. I didn't know what "born again" was. As I read the Book of Mormon, I discovered it was all through that holy book. No wonder President Benson was pushing us to read that book. No wonder we were under condemnation. The scriptures began to open. On December 2, I began my journey-the day I heard the prayer talk. I began to pray about my false beliefs, the Savior, my condemnation. Three weeks later, when I received the "Mighty Change" book, I began to pray about born again also. I also began to fast. I didn't know until I read Mighty Change that I didn't know how to fast either. This journey was a very lonely one. At the time I knew of no one who had had the born again experience except an author of one of the books I read. I called him several times (long distance so the calls were brief) to make sure I was on track, to see if the feelings I was experiencing were normal and other things. He was so kind to me. I could feel his goodness over the phone line. He strengthened me and I will be forever grateful to him for his help. I struggled so much because the path hadn't been cleared and very few people were willing to speak to me about the subject. Now I know it was because of ignorance. We all have our own experience so it is a new path for each one. But I also feel to be strengthened by another is a great help during this most crucial and vulnerable time. I decided I would fast every week. This was a challenge to me because I had blood sugar problems. I had to do it gradually but I now can fast a full 24 hours. Not only did I receive spiritual miracles, but physical miracles. What a blessing to have been healed from the blood sugar disorder I have been plagued with for years. What a wonderful blessing to participate in a true fast. It is a powerful testimony to me of the promises in Isaiah 58. Most important of all, the heavens were being opened to me. I started getting up before my family every morning and start having "mighty prayer." I used to think a mighty prayer was five minutes. What a privilege it is to talk to our Father at the beginning of every day and feel of His love for me, revelation about original experiences which set them in place, and tutored from on high and healed. (Talk about counseling!!!) I was made aware of my sins which were caused from these false beliefs (these come from disobedience or traditions of our fathers-D&C 93). I was made aware of all my sins. . .aIl of them. I knew of the hurt I had caused others and the impediment upon my own growth. I saw myself as Christ can see us, all the cover-ups, the sneakiness, the honors of men syndrome, my condemnation of others, all my self righteousness and everything that was my carnal man. It was necessary for me to get some unlayering done. These were layers that were blocking the Spirit from being in full fellowship with me. It took a while for me to get through this process. I know now it was because I was mourning the deaths of three close loved ones and my heart had to go through the process slowly. I would feel the Spirit, the cleansing and all that comes with this for 1 -2 hours a day, 3-4 days a week. My husband, on the other hand, went through it in a few days with no let up. I felt mourning for my errors and sins. This part of the experience was not very fun. I was mourning because of the distance they had put between me and my God. The mourning was physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. It was literal gut wrenching mourning and sorrow. One day, as I was studying about the Savior, I saw Him in Gethsemane. This was my Lord struggling over the sins of the world. Struggling over my sins. I saw Him see me. I saw Him see my life. He saw all my filth and unworthiness and said, "Yes!!! I will do it!!! I love her!!!" He bought me with His blood. He did this for each person. As I watched Him I thought my heart would break. I felt as though my chest would explode. I sobbed as I felt His love and compassion for me. I felt His holiness, His goodness, His strength, His truth, His mercy. These words seem hollow to use to describe Him. I couldn't bear to watch Him anymore. "Dear God" I cried, "Please, I cannot see this anymore." I saw Him in agony a while longer, then the vision closed. I lay on the floor exhausted from what I had just witnessed. My new life began with a wash of peace that filled and warmed my entire being. It was a feeling of burning throughout my whole body-but a sweet burning. The voice of the Lord came to me and said, "Your sins are forgiven." I didn't want to move. I could feel the warmth, the love, the joy, the total peace. I had the same experience the next morning and again on Sunday during the sacrament. December 1 6, exactly 54 weeks from the beginning of the journey. I turned it all over to the Lord. All of it I gave Him and He made me His. I knew my life was acceptable to Him. I was a new creature. I was gratefully His. All the rest of my false beliefs He took. He took my sins. He took the condemnation I felt for myself and thus for others. He took all judgement from my heart, all the have to be's and need to be's and ought to be's. I remember these things and the accompanying state of being only when He brings it to my recollection. The guilt and torment, the heaviness and burden has been washed away. I live for today. This moment of time and all is perfect in Him. I know the instant I do something offensive and take care of it or do not do or say it. The Spirit does a wonderful job tutoring. I have been blessed with the gift of joy, gratitude, compassion, and love. I have been blessed with discernment, to see into the hearts of people I interact with and know their motives, whether righteous or evil. The scriptures are being opened to me. I am at the beginning of my walk with God (2 Nephi 9:41). I sing praises to Him. Without Him I am nothing, with Him I can do all He wants me to do. He is God. He is truth. He is no respecter of persons. He is merciful. This is a gift for all, to be bestowed on all. In order to know the attributes of God and have them burned into your heart, you must receive this gift. In The Lectures on Faith, Joseph Smith teaches about the attributes of God perfectly. This born again process teaches you these things about Him. The world is a different place. I see it through new eyes and with the gift of a new heart. Everything is perfect. We all experience what we need to bring us to Christ if we allow it to happen. God is merciful!!! He pardoned me!!! a sinner, and truly I, as the weakest of all His disciples, He makes me strong. I pray that the love, light, and joy of the savior may be with you. If you haven't had this experience, it is worth the journey. For me I had to go to Hell and back and it is worth it!!!!! I pray whoever may read this account may feel His Spirit upon you even as the warmth of the sunshine. I know God is our Father. I know by experience of this and also of our Savior Jesus Christ. He Loves us!!! He died for us!!! He lives for us!!!! Laura - A Young Girl’s Experience Laura writes: In reference to people not realizing they've had the Baptism of Fire, I thought I'd share this personal story. I clipped it from a personal e-mail I sent ... a couple of months ago:
... I kept asking ...for help to see what specifically I needed to do to receive the Baptism of Fire. After a while, a peace came over me and I was told "You seek that which you have already had." I immediately had a flashback to when I was 13 years old. I had just learned about Joseph Smith and was reading the Book of Mormon when I had a STRONG witness of its truthfulness. I didn't want to accept it, though, and I definitely did NOT want to become a weird Mormon and give up all my thuggy friends. So I ran away from home. I took a bus 80 miles away and stayed with my former best friend who had moved two years earlier. After I was there for two days, my friend's parents (who were hippy-types) had this wild party with drugs, booze, and other stuff I shouldn't have seen. We were free to roam around amongst the guests. There was this one young man that was telling these horrible jokes about Mormons. I don't remember what the jokes were, but I remember it made me really mad. For some reason, I felt really defensive about the church. At one point, this jerk had a glass of vodka in one hand and a joint in the other and made another crack at the church. I said, "That's not true... how would you know that about Mormons?!" He laughed in my face and said, "'Cause I AM a Mormon." I got even madder and yelled at him, "You are not! Mormons don't smoke and drink and have a filthy mouth like you do." Everybody started laughing at me. I started bawling and ran out of the room. I ran into their gameroom. I started screaming like a maniac and the people that were in there laughed and went in the other room. I slammed the door and climbed under the pool table. I felt like I was possessed. I wanted to tear up everything in the room. Instead, I huddled down on my knees and started praying. I prayed and prayed all night until I fell asleep there under the table. Then, I don't know if I was asleep or awake, the room filled with light and I was flooded with complete peace and joy. It was overwhelming. I felt like it were cleansing my soul. A voice said, "You already know in your heart what is truth." I called my mom and went back home the next day. I was a completely changed person. The desire to do evil was completely taken away from me. I found out there was a Mormon in my history class and asked her if I could go to church with her. I went the next Wednesday night and became a faithful LDS ever since.. until the past year or so. I guess that's why it's been so hard for me to let go of the church. It was such a big part of my life for so long. I equated the church with God. And I learned and grew so much. But as (my husband) says, "If you get too big for the bed, you've got to get a bigger one." I guess I've finally outgrown the bed. Last Sunday was the first time I realized that just because my experience under that pool table happened BEFORE my baptism by water doesn't make it invalid. My heart was truly changed that day. Before I realized that I had already received the Baptism of Fire, I thought I had to reach a certain level of perfection and then a magic wand would be waved over me or something... I'd receive the Baptism of Fire and no longer do anything wrong. Maybe that's what the Lamanites thought, too, but when they looked back and saw the mighty change that had taken place in their hearts they stopped, scratched their heads, and said, "Oh, yeah.
A Personal Testimony of Jesus Christ and the Reality and Power of His Atonement in My Life In June, 1974 I was baptized and confirmed a member of the church. It was a glorious experience and I remember it well. I never questioned the truthfulness of the gospel or of the Restoration. From the moment I heard the missionaries teach, I knew it was true. There was never even a flicker of doubt. It was like being reunited with an old and dear friend. The spirit of repentance did not come upon me until the day I was baptized. Before that time I had received a testimony that the Gospel was true and that the Church of Jesus Christ had in fact been restored by the Prophet Joseph Smith. But the question of my sins had not been the object of my serious consideration until the day of my baptism. I was at the time, twenty-four years of age. For me, the process of repentance began with my baptismal interview prior to my baptism. The interviewer was kind and considerate although his questions pierced my soul. I wept as I confessed my sins and admitted of my deep sorrow for my past life. My spirit was truly contrite as I entered into the waters of baptism. I wept openly throughout my baptism and confirmation as the spirit of the Lord testified to my heart of the tender mercies of a loving God. I had truly been born again to see the Kingdom of Heaven. I felt the burden of my sins lifted and I rejoiced with all my heart at my membership in Christ's true church. Through it all I did not know that, although I had received the spirit of repentance prior to my baptism, I had not received the gift of full repentance; that, while I had been born again to "see" the Kingdom of heaven through the receipt of my testimony by the power of the Holy Ghost, yet I had not been born again to "enter" into the Kingdom of God and I had not actually received the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. While I had enjoyed a sanctifying experience that lifted the burden of my sins, yet I had not been sanctified unto a complete and unconditional remission of all my sins, including the effects of those sins. My knowledge of these heavenly truths did not come until later, in July of 1981. For seven years, from 1974 until 1981 I was actively and zealously engaged in Gospel living. In December, 1975 my precious wife and I were married in the Arizona Temple. I was consumed with the desire to live the Gospel fully; to serve, teach, testify, study and pray fervently. And I did so continually. I was actively involved in missionary work, temple work and home teaching. I strived to magnify all my church callings and took my membership in Christ's church very seriously, as I do to this day. I absorbed myself in Gospel and scripture study feeling that I couldn't read enough. I indeed hungered and thirsted after righteousness and truth and this hunger and passion has not subsided for even a moment, for even a heartbeat. Through it all I enjoyed many spiritual experiences, sanctifying experiences. I have come now to describe such experiences as "contractions" leading to my spiritual birth. I felt the spirit of the Lord with me many times; I felt His love for me and felt a great love for Him and a desire to know Him. I was privileged to be an instrument in the Lord's hands several times in exercising the Priesthood. Miracles were performed and lives were blessed. It was a wonderful seven years; a time of growth, development and preparation; a time of gestation. Yet through it all I sensed that something was missing. I could not describe what was missing in my life then, although now it is clear and understandable. Still, describing it to others is very difficult. It's like trying to explain the joy of parenthood to those who have never been parents. In 1981 my life changed. For seven years the Lord had prepared my mind and my heart. My time was at hand. My Heavenly Father sent to me a son of God, a member of the church who was and is a true disciple of Christ, to draw me unto His Beloved Son. This blessed man carried within his soul the seed of Christ which he planted within my heart. Like all true endowments of the Spirit, only those who have the gift can confer it to others by the power of the Holy Ghost. What was this seed of Christ? It was the blessed gift of pure testimony that enlivened within my soul the need and will to live spiritually. This is the endowment that ultimately induced the labor of the second birth. The Spirit of the Lord bore witness to me that this man knew Christ. As we sat in my home one evening I felt the power of his testimony of the Savior as I had never felt it before. My soul was aflame with the desire to know the Lord as this man did, and I told him so.The next morning as we were about to depart, my new friend boldly invited me to come to Christ. He urged me to pray more fervently until I received the baptism by fire; he called me to repent until I received a complete remission of my sins. His words were bold but kind and they sunk deeply unto the core of my heart. The seed of Christ had been planted. Little did I know what all of this would mean. This was a very difficult time in my life. At the time I was serving as the Stake Mission President in my stake. I was immersed in my calling and was enjoying a good measure of success. But I was self-employed at the time and my consulting practice was very slow. In fact, at the time I had no clients and was financially without means to provide for my family. It was during this time that I was called to come home to Christ. Shortly after my friend departed I found myself in my office alone and without work. The Spirit called me one day as I sat behind my desk and prompted me to pray. I instructed my secretary that I did not want to be interrupted under any circumstances and then locked myself in my office and began to pour out my heart unto God. I prayed that day and for two succeeding days. I prayed long and hard and for many things. But the primary intent and focus of my prayers was to know the Lord and to understand and appreciate the personal implications of the Atonement in my life. On the third day, July 21, 1981, I found myself kneeling again by my chair in fervent prayer to know the Lord. Suddenly I saw myself praying and the presence of the Lord was beside me. As I watched, the Lord spoke to my mind and said, "Look." I looked and for the first time in my life I saw myself as I really was, through the eyes of Christ. What I saw I cannot fully describe in words. My whole soul was illuminated and I saw with complete clarity and understanding the deepest recesses of my subconscious mind. I saw within the hidden nooks and crannies of my soul the effects of all my sins as well as all my sins of commission and omission which had been repressed into the hidden regions of my mind. I was completely transparent. Everything was now so painfully clear, my sinful motives, intentions and desires, all cleverly disguised and rationalized through years of self-talk. Even the good things I had done for the wrong reasons were flashed before my all-seeing eye. No act, word or deed escaped my view. I saw everything. As I beheld myself thus, my mind was, to use Alma's words, "racked with torment" and "inexpressible horror." Several times I tried to shut out the vision but the Lord would not allow it. Each time I tried to turn away the Lord would say, "Look," and I continued to look into my soul. I wept and pleaded for the Lord to stop the vision. When I had finally seen everything the vision ended and there was darkness. I turned to find the Lord but He was no longer beside me. The scene instantly changed and I found myself behind the brush on the outside of a garden clearing. Again a voice came to my mind and instructed me to look. My eyes turned to the garden clearing and there, in the midst, I saw my beloved Redeemer. Suddenly it became clear to me that I was witnessing His act of Atonement. But what transpired I was not prepared to see. How can one explain with mortal words the agony of a God. Anything I say or write somehow diminishes the impact. Be that as it may, I saw the love and suffering of the Christ and am a personal witness of it. I don't know how it is possible, but I was in Gethsemane on the day of His Agony and I saw in great and terrible detail with my eyes and heard in awful clarity with my ears that which is too sacred to describe to unprepared ears. His sobs and His cries pierced my soul and I felt the wrenching of my heart with each audible groan or quivering convulsion of His body. Then came the revelation that broke my heart: "Behold the love of God for you and His suffering for your sins." It was too much to bear. As I became aware that He was suffering such agony for because of my.. sins, because of His love for a "soul so rebellious and proud as mine", my heart broke and I thought I would die. Never had I sobbed and wept so violently and with such bitterness of soul. I never knew the body could sob as mine did. I never knew a heart could break as mine did. I never knew a broken heart would hurt as much as I hurt. I was in agony as never before. I thought my heart would stop and my head and chest would explode. I cried out and begged the Father to stop the suffering of my Friend and Elder Brother. "Stop it! Stop it! Please stop His suffering!" I wept, I sobbed and my body convulsed in anguish as I attempted to reach through the brush to hold Him, to somehow comfort Him. But His suffering did not stop and there was nothing I could do to help Him. Finally, resolving myself to this hopeless state and wishing only to die for what I had done to Him, I cried out through my choking sobs, "Please forgive me! Please, dear God, forgive me for what I have done to my Savior. I am sorry, so very, very sorry for hurting Him so. It is enough," I continued, "please stop His suffering. I will never again do anything to hurt Him. Never! Never!" I continued to sob and plead for forgiveness until I was totally exhausted and lay slumped on the floor weeping hot tears of anguish and pain. My strength was exhausted and I was prepared to die when the vision stopped and the voice of the Lord said unto me, "My son, thy sins are forgiven thee." When I heard these words from my Savior I was filled with fire, which I later came to know was the endowment of charity. Never had I felt such love, such peace. I was overcome again unto great sobbing, but this time with joy. So intense was the outpouring of God's love through the fire of His Spirit that I felt as though my very life would end and my flesh would be consumed. I came to know by the spirit of revelation that my life was acceptable to the Lord; that I had been completely and unconditionally cleansed of all my sins and the effects of my sins; that I had been made holy, without spot -- clean every whit -- by His precious blood. I had been truly born again to enter into the Kingdom of God; I was redeemed from the fall; sanctified by the endowment of His perfect love, even charity. Through this experience I came to understand the meaning of total conversion; of justification and of sanctification; of full repentance. I now know with a perfect knowledge that all men must be born again, or sanctified of the spirit, in order to receive their salvation and obtain their exaltation. I know now that only those who are truly born again can enjoy the blessings of the sanctified and can develop to the full stature of Christ. I know now that there is a difference between the righteousness of God and the righteousness of man; between full repentance and partial repentance; between a broken heart and a contrite spirit; between receiving forgiveness from one's sins and a complete and unconditional forgiveness from the effects of the fall or the natural man; between an awakening of conscience which cultivates a sense of duty to God and man and a mighty change of heart which bears the fruit of charity toward God and all men. I know now that the only way to Christ is through the offering of a broken heart and that the only way to offer such a sacrifice acceptably is to experience, in a personal way, the power and reality of the Atonement in our life; to understand and appreciate sufficiently the personal implications of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for our sins and fallen nature. Perhaps this may come in different ways to different people, but the substance and results of the experience will, of necessity, always be the same. The greatest manifestation of God's love for us is in the Savior's suffering for our personal sins. It is the power of His suffering for us that draws us to Him in a complete sense and changes our heart totally. When our sacrifice of a broken heart has been accepted (i.e., justified) by the Lord, when we have fully repented of all our sins, then is our life acceptable (i.e., justified) unto the Lord. Sanctification, which is the effect or fruit of justification, totally cleanses and purifies the spirit and endows the person with a faith and hope in Christ, and with charity.
A Unique Experience involving Powerful Spiritual Imagery I have wanted to be forgiven of my sins since 1984 when I was taught that principle, but I was scared to turn my will over to God. I knew he was smarter than me, but I still wanted control. I have had many experiences to help me give up control, ask for help, and even admit I needed it. My pride (I called it self-reliant) got in the way. In 1992 I was asked if I was willing to go through anything to receive the desire of my heart which was to be forgiven. I said yes and, wow, have I really gone through some tough life storms, but it broke my pride. I hit rock bottom and was suicidal. I knew I had to ask for help. Thus started my slow recovery in the fall of 1996. I learned my life was unmanageable and I had proven my self-reliant ways had not helped me. I learned I was not responsible for everyone and the only person I could change was me. I started the process of letting go and letting God help. I started looking at ME at the good, and bad and facing the facts of who I really was and admitting those defects to God and another human being and then asking God to humbly remove my character defects. I continued looking at me and when I was wrong promptly admitting it. My husband stopped going to church, became very abusive with me and the children. I feared for my life. We tried counseling only for him to be kicked out twice because he did not care and would not change. I wanted to divorce him and went in prayer to ask if I could file for divorce. The answer was No" so I asked for help to sustain me so I could stay in the marriage, God gave me help, but the problems only got worse. When I thought I could take no more I went to a dear friend for a blessing. I told him of my struggles and heartache. He gave me a blessing and in that blessing he stated the brethren of my ward would come together in fasting and prayer for my husbands behalf. Sure enough our Bishop called for a special fast on Fathers Day, and we were to pray for the indifferent souls that day. Miracles started happening in my life. My husband took a course that helped him face his problems. My personal growth exploded and on June 22, I told a friend I was close to being born again I could feel it. Life had refined me. I had learned to trust God. I could give him my joy and pain. Miracles were happening in my marriage and healing began. I felt a blackness inside me trying to come up and out. It scared me and I would push it down. On July 26 I started to shake and tremble as I felt this darkness within me move. I started to shake then heave my guts. It felt like I was spewing filthiness out of me. I was scared. I would not let it all come. I was holding on to it because of fear. That night I could not sleep I could feel this black filth moving. I was scared to sleep. I went to my husband to tell him how I felt. His heart softened. It had been hard all day. He asked if I trusted him and I said "no." He again asked if I could trust him. I took a deep breath and felt inside I should trust him. I said yes. I sat on the couch and he asked what I was feeling. I told him I felt a blackness inside me moving. He asked me to describe it. I told him, filthy, stinky, slimy awful blackness. He asked me to describe it more, to really look at it and tell him what it was. I then saw the slimy blackness move and form a big awful snake and it was trying to get out. He (my husband) said to let it come. I could feel it come up my throat. I gagged, it was choking me. It moved into my mouth and my husband said to grab it and pull it out. That made me sick and I could feel it sliding back inside me. I had said nothing to my husband about this and he said "Don't lose sight of it, stop it from sliding back in." It stopped and started coming out again. He told me to grab it. I reached in my mouth (very scared to do so) and grabbed it and pulled. I started pulling it out. I choked, gagged; could hardly breath. A battle was on, Me wanting to pull it free of me and it wanting to stay. It was an exhausting battle and when the snake was almost free of me, it coiled to stay put. I fought and pulled and tugged (gagging and choking the whole time) and finally it popped free of me and there was light everywhere. I could see and feel it to the very tips of my fingers. (The next day my muscles were very sore from the battle with the snake.) This lightness was good, safe, fresh, clean, and then I saw a single eye searching inside me looking searching and then pronouncing me clean. It was a eye like on the back of a $1.00 bill) or the All-seeing Eye on the Salt Lake Temple. My husband asked what was happening and I told him the snake was gone and the Allseeing eye said I was clean every wit. Then I saw wild African animals running. They were scared and hurrying out of danger and then I saw the lions. They were causing the fear in the wild animals, But the lion was not chasing them. It came out among them and so did a lamb, and they laid down together to rest in peace. Then I saw Indians dance and sing a prayer. I knew they were singing a cleansing prayer in my behalf I have heard this song in my head before and even have sung it though at the time I did not know what kind of song it was. Now I knew it was a song of prayer for cleansing the soul. I felt love, real love, kindness, celebration in my behalf. All this dancing and singing were for me and I felt safe. As the singing continued I was shown a young brave Indian on his horse. I knew it was a symbol of me. I was brave, courageous strong. Then I saw a very old wrinkled Indian Chief. I knew this was me also. That I was very wise, life had refined me and brought wisdom. Then I saw a young Indian child playing. This was also me. I was energetic and playful. Now I knew who I really was a brave, courageous, strong, wise, playful, energetic woman. This whole time the Indians are dancing and singing on my behalf and now I see an eagle and I soar with it in flight and I have great love for all creations. Man, animal, the blade of grass, clouds, I feel love and respect for all of God’s creations. I see a tree, I love and respect all parts of the tree. The trunk, branches, twigs, leaves. As I soar and see all God's creations I am filled with the greatest love, appreciation, and respect for all he has created. Then I feel my own body and spirit unite. It tingles all over as I feel it become one. The burning and tingling are an incredible feeling. I know my spirit and body are united. Then deceased relatives come and celebrate with me. I see my Grandma Rugg, Rene, Samuel Carter, and Hyrum Carter (who was killed on a mission.) I saw two little girls. They smile and then the Savior appears and holds me and then I see a vision I had before. In this vision I saw many people from all parts of my life in a big field and we were all told a horrible storm was coming and we must prepare for it. We each had a job to get ready for the storm. Mine was milking the cows. The spirit told me all these preparations would not preserve us in the storm. If I wanted to survive the storm, I must find the windwalker. It told me it was an individual search. Others would also be looking, but it was a search one does alone. I looked and searched and found nothing. The morning of the storm came, and it came up and over the mountain. As we all stood and watched it we knew all of our temporal preparations wouldn't save us. It was a destructive storm. Everything was destroyed in its path. I had one of my children in my arms and wanted to save us. I was rushing around frantically when the spirit said it was still not to late to search for the windwalker. So I calmed down and focused on finding the windwalker, and I saw homes, cars, trees roll by me in the wind I marveled that I could stand and walk and the spirit said it was because of my firm belief that their was a windwalker and he would save me from the storm. I continued on my journey during the storm and then I saw him on a hill. There was stillness and the sun was bright. Others found him too and were taking presents to him. I no longer had my child (When I asked why? I was told no one could take or carry another to Christ. It was an individual search.) I did not have a present but went anyway and he recognized me and stood and embraced me. I have never felt such love. Then the vision closed. This time when the vision was shown me again I had a gift to present the Savior and it was a broken heart and a contrite spirit. I knew I was clean and could feel the light and love and peace. What a neat feeling. I wanted to tell a dear spiritual friend of my experience to help me understand what had happened. I talked to him and realized my born again experience was very symbolic and the spirit confirmed this to me. The experiences that took place to refine me have been very hard, the only way I could hang in there was because of my firm faith in God and to trust him with all my heart and lean not to my own understanding and in all my ways acknowledge him and he would direct my path.
Two Brothers Two men, both active members of the ... church, over the years developed a real antagonism toward each other. It appeared to each that the other was at fault, but neither made any attempt to correct the situation. Each time they had occasion to be near the other in any relationship of any kind the tension increased. Each seemed to go out of their way to hurt the other one. They lived in the same area and attended the same church but they studiously avoided each other when in the house of the Lord, but the tension and hatred were there. Yes, they even brought it to church with them. One would use one exit and one the other. This condition existed and grew worse and worse over a period of fifteen years. None of the teachings of the church seemed to enter into their hardened hearts, but they continued to be active in the church. Hate fed on hate, bitterness on bitterness and revenge on revenge as the condition worsened. After a period of fifteen years the Lord finally tired of the situation. One day the Lord, through the power of the Holy Ghost, spoke to one of the individuals. He said that the Lord said to him, "It's time for you to CONFESS your sins." That was new doctrine to him, but he decided he had better obey. He selected a place of privacy in his own home and got down on his knees to pray. In his thoughts he went back to the time when he was eight years of age and began to dredge up the sins of his past life and confess them to the Lord in detail. He didn't know that CONFESSION OF SINS was part of repentance. He thought that belonged to some other church. It took a lot of praying to get through the whole list of sins. And it got extremely difficult when it reached the point of hating this particular brother, but he did it. He said, "Lord, I hate my own brother. I've hated him for a long time, but you may as well know that I still hate him. I know that makes me a hypocrite, but I hate him anyway and I can't get the hate out of my system." Well, this confession was given to the Lord, but the Lord didn't accept it. The next day he went to the Lord in prayer and did it all over again. This time the Lord reminded him of some sins which he had forgotten. So he added them to the confession list. The Lord didn't accept this confession either. He still wasn't relieved of this burden -- the inability to forgive. He sought the Lord again in prayer and went through the whole sordid mess again. Again the Lord dredged up some old sins that had been forgotten -- some that were important enough to keep him from the full effects of the atonement. He confessed them to the Lord. The Lord still didn't accept the confession, but he was unaware of that anyway. He didn't even know why he was confessing them to the Lord other than he had been instructed to do so. Two days later he decided to confess again but this time the Holy Ghost came upon him in power. He described the burning love of God which he felt -- the voice of the Spirit saying to him, "YOU HAVE RECEIVED A REMISSION OF YOUR SINS." But there was one thing of which he seemed to be certain. All of the BITTERNESS, HATRED, REVENGE and RESENTMENT which he had had for that particular individual was gone. Not only was it gone, it was replaced with LOVE. He had heard it taught that repentance was a gift from God, but now he knew it was. He had been absolutely unable to overcome this hatred, but in an instant the Lord had taken it out of his system and replaced it with love. He no longer hated the man. He loved him. The experience lasted six days. It was near the end that the Lord actually revealed to him that he had been baptized with fire and the Holy Ghost. Until the spirit explained to him exactly what his extraordinary experience was in scriptural terms he did not know exactly what it was that was happening to him. KEITH Keith and I had been friends for a number of years. One day I found him knocking at my door. I was a little puzzled because our association was mainly on a Sunday basis. It was obvious that Keith had something on his mind. A two hour gospel discussion ensued. It was clear that Keith's conscience was being awakened. He was beginning to remember his transgressions and the Lord was giving him the same kind of guilt complex that Enos had experienced. A guilt complex is how the Lord needles us into repentance. The discussion centered around fasting and prayer and of what repentance really consists -- CONFESSION OF SINS. It was difficult to determine how Keith was accepting the doctrine, but one thing was perfectly clear. He was intensely interested, although when he left, I felt that he was still somewhat skeptical. Perhaps I was wrong, because, he set himself on a program of fasting and prayer once a week along with a monthly two-day fast. How do you like that for determination? Recently he visited our [men’s] group and it happened to be my turn to direct the discussion. You can guess to what subject it was directed. I said, "Keith, what were you talking to the Lord about in all that fasting and praying?" "Confessing my sins," he humbly answered. "Week after week?" I asked. "Yes," he responded. "Why were you doing it so often?" I asked. "I was seeking the Lord's forgiveness. I wanted to get rid of my nagging guilt complex." "Was your confession to the Lord general or specific?" I asked. "They were specific. What I had to do was lay each sin out before the Lord, describe the part that I played, admit my guilt and ask Him to forgive me," he answered. "Did you confess all of your sins to the Lord?" I asked. "Well, there was a slight problem. You see, the Lord kept adding to the list by reminding me of those which I had forgotten." "In other words, your memory was awakened." "That's right," Keith replied. "And how long did this intense fasting continue," I inquired. "Six months!" Was Keith rewarded for his effort? Let me testify that he was. I'll never forget the day when I met him and we were about to enter the church. It was a bright summer day as the sun reflected off the light yellow brick of our chapel -- a day when the sun can cause you to squint. But Keith was not squinting. I looked into his eyes and the pupils were enormous. I knew instantly what was happening. He was in the very process of being "born of the Spirit." He was a modern day Enos. The power of the Holy Ghost was upon him and every word that came from his lips was pure revelation. I envied him. He gave me a loving chastisement as we entered the chapel. Had Keith reached his goal? Had the Lord forgiven him? Without a doubt. Keith was no longer the same individual. Before this very day, and I'm sure that he will testify of this, he was vain, proud, cocky and arrogant. He'll smile when he reads this, but he knows that it is true. After the two day "baptism of fire" he was a completely different man. That pride, arrogance and vanity were gone. The Lord had taken them out of his character, by gift, by virtue of his sincere repentance, and replaced them with humility, kindness and love for his fellow men. There was no doubt about it. Keith was a new creature, by the power of the Holy Ghost, and no small stir was created in the ward because practically everyone noticed the change. The spirit confirmed that he had been born again. He had been CHANGED BY THE LORD from his fallen state to a state of righteousness and given a very special gift, the gift of LOVE. Just like Enos, he now carried with him this great desire for the "welfare of his brethren." (Enos 9) THE CONVERSION OF DENNIS URE - Baptism by Fire and the Holy Ghost, Thursday, July 16, 1992The following is a story from my journal. About a month ago, Gwen, my sister, gave me a book about prayer. I read through it with excitement. I knew it was an answer to my preparation to "Come unto Christ." I have fasted every Sunday, except three, for a year for the Spirit of the Lord. Our church meetings don't start until 2:00 PM, therefore its easy to fast from Saturday night until after church about 6:00 PM. I have had some very spiritual experiences with true answers to prayers in studying the Book of Mormon during these times of fasting. During that year of deep study of the Book of Mormon, I came to the decision that I wanted a Mighty Change to come over me like the people of King Benjamin. To accomplish it, I needed a remission of my sins by fire and the Holy Ghost. Sunday, Sherry, my wife, handed me the June 1992 Ensign with two articles about coming unto Christ: "Putting off the Natural Man” and “Becoming Spiritually Born." I read them and decided I wanted my sins forgiven and receive the mighty change. I knew my prayers would be answered because I was getting answers about my life through fasting and the Book of Mormon. I thought if Enos could "Come unto Christ", well then perhaps even I could to. I picked yesterday, Wed. July 15, 1992 to get up in the morning and put it to the test. I woke up about 6:00 and laid in bed afraid to get up and put it to the test. I was really afraid and laid there for a long time. I was afraid I wasn't worthy. I was afraid to go through the fire as stated in 3 Ni 9: 20. The scripture also requires a "broken heart and a contrite spirit." Finally I got up, got dressed, said my usual prayers and fixed some breakfast. Sherry was gone to Logan with the drill team so I spent most of the day waiting on kids, reading the Book of Mormon and praying several times for the strength and courage to get the job done. I had a hard time concentrating on either. I cleaned our bedroom, vacuumed it and made the bed just in case I did get the courage to "Come unto Christ". If I did get a messenger from the other side, I didn't want him to come to a dirty bedroom. I kept thinking of the fear I was experiencing and how it was worse than being a salesman and trying to call people on the phone. You just sit there and stare at the phone not daring to pick it up. Disappointed in myself, that I didn't "Come unto Christ" through mighty prayer, I went to bed. About 7:00 this morning I heard Jeni, my daughter, stirring around getting ready to go. She left for work with me still lying there thinking that I just had to get out of bed and pick up that phone. The article in the Ensign came into my mind, 3 Ne 9: 20, "and after you have been baptized with water, behold, I will baptize you with fire and with the Holy Ghost." I was afraid to face my sins and the Holy Ghost. At this time however, it became very apparent to me that today was the day to get my sins forgiven. I had been baptized with water at age eight but I hadn't had my sins forgiven and I'm now 50. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, shaved, came back to the bedroom, got dressed, kneeled down and prayed. As I prayed, inspiration came into my mind to pray a mighty prayer. I prayed the most marvelous prayer, I have ever prayed in my life. The Holy Ghost told me what to say. I dedicated my house, the lot that the house sits on, our van, and everyone in our house, that they would be protected from whatever the world would put against us. I blessed my Wife, my family, and me that we would seek after the spirit of the Lord. Suddenly my heart became broken and my spirit contrite. I asked for forgiveness of my sins. I broke down and cried and sobbed three different times. In my mind's eye, I could see My Savior suffering for my sins in the Garden. I was helpless as I witnessed Him suffering for my sins. I could hardly stand it and asked to be relieved from this hell I was experiencing. It was more than I could handle. Suddenly, even though I couldn't see them, I could feel their presence, and I knew My Father and His Son were in the room and listening. I asked My Father to ask Christ if He would please take my sins away from me and take them upon him. I felt too ashamed to ask Him myself because of the suffering He went through because of my sins. Father asked him and He said he would. I was relieved from my suffering and felt a calm come over me. I was comforted by the Holy Ghost. I sobbed again for quite some time realizing what He had to go through for me. I felt their love and concern for me. I then knew my sins were forgiven. At the closing, I asked what I should do. I was told, through inspiration, to pick up my sunday school teacher's manual and start reading the next lesson. I teach the adult gospel doctrine class. On the second paragraph, it referenced 3 Ne 12 verse 3. I was told to start reading. It was Christ's Sermon on the Mount. I came to verses 14, 15, and 16 and was told this is what I am to do. "Verily, verily, I say into you, I give unto you to be the light of this people. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Behold, do men light a candle and put it under a bushel? Nay, but on a candlestick, and it giveth light to all that are in the house. Therefore, let your light so shine before this people, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven." I also had read an article in the Ensign the day before which entered my mind, "Bloom where you are planted." I closed my prayer and even though I knew my sins are forgiven, I know I must keep on asking forgiveness as I sin each day. I also received my answer of "What I should do?" I know that on this day, I truly did "Come unto Christ" and received a forgiveness of all my sins. By the way, it is Sherry's and my 27th anniversary. What a great day!! Note: I spent the next few mornings being taught by the Holy Ghost. I was taught how important repentance and baptism is. I learned what the doctrine of Christ really is and how it applies in our lives through His Atonement. He told me to turn to 3 Nephi 11:31-41 where He taught me the true doctrine of Christ. "..whoso shall declare more or less than this, and establish it for my doctrine; the same cometh of evil and is not built upon my rock..." I am so thankful for Christ. I love Him so much and as I grow older I love Him more each day. I wonder just what I did to have these great experiences and to deserve his love and concern. I can hardly wait to meet Him in this life or if I have to wait, in the next life. But I will meet Him and through his spirit, He has promised me this opportunity in His own time and in His own way.
See also
posted Jan. 17, 2003
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