No wonder the English language is so very difficult to learn:
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present to the
President.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass
drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocaine injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Also:
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in
pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure
it isn't canine. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries
in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is
cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One
house, 2 hice? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do
people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and
send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on
driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as
heck another?
If a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it
out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a
car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out, they are
visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this
essay, I end it?
English is a weird language ... it doesn't know if it is coming or going!!!
War never determines who's right. War only determines who's left.
Paradoxes of the English Language
