A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element tentatively has been named... "Governmentium."
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since governmentium has zero electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one
reaction in excess of 4 days to respond when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a
restructuring in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In
fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each shuffle, so to speak, will
cause some morons to mix with neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is
formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as "Critical Morass."... and you will know it, when you feel it!