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You are here: Greater Things > Humor / Featured > Kirby Classics

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Smiley Kirby Classics


Robert Kirby

click here for
Mug Shot Morphs

Featuring some of the best of Robert Kirby, Mormon lampoonist and columnist for Utah's Salt Lake Tribune.

Page posted with the permission of Robert Kirby.

Page Contents:
My Favorites Related Sites Books by Robert Kirby About Robert

"Whether liberal, conservative, traditional, or unorthodox, Mormons of all faiths will enjoy this piquant look at the peculiar!"

"I've read your column for years, and you make me sick."
Anonymous, Salt Lake City

See also:
Greater Things JoKeS and Humor with Words

DMOZ - The Open Directory Project -- "Human's Do It Better"
> LDS Humor > Kirby

focus! focus!

you rang?

shadows of Einstein


bullet Sterling's Favorites

NOTE: The SLTribune now requires payment to access their archives. The following links no longer go to their intended destination.

My Theory: Faith Is Really About Egos and Not About Any Change for the Better - 'Church just isn't fun if someone's bustle isn't in a twist.'
Way to Use Your Head Elder Lekker - 'Given the nature of my personality, I had a lot of senior companions.'
Who Needs Terrorists? U.S. Execs Are Better at Wrecking Economy - 'Thanks to companies like Qwest -- in particular Enron and WorldCom -- my 401k plan looks like someone drove it off a cliff.'
Hot, Dry July Best Time to Play With Fire - 'It's no secret that booze and testosterone are the real fuel behind fireworks, especially the ones that start wildfires -- all by themselves.'
Buying a Guy a Fancy New Bike? The Bottom Line Can Be Painful - 'suffered from abnormalities to their . . . ahem, nether regions.'
2000 -- A Year for the books -- Comic books, That is - 'Utah and the rest of the world survive Y2K, prompting huge yard sales of firearms, toilet paper and cans of pork and beans.'
I Won't Have Any Trouble Selling Magazine Subscriptions With These New LDS Publications - Titles like: 'Rolling Sunstone,' 'God & Ammo,' 'Repenthouse,' 'Road & Tracting,' 'Better Temples & Gardens,' 'Reader's Digress,' 'General Authority Quarterly.'
We All Know God Is a Woman - But Please, If You Want Men at Church, Keep This Under Wraps
Empty Nest Syndrome Not All Bad - 'The best part of being an empty nester is finding out that the harried parent of the bunch of lunatics you've been rooming with all this time is someone you actually like.'
A Sampling of Mormon Talk Shows - 'Audience votes whether or not to excommunicate humiliated guest at end of show.'
You Can't Hide From Your Church Call - 'Unless you have done something spectacularly bad--shot somebody, or possibly mentioned Mother-in-Heaven during a lesson--it can only mean that there's a church job waiting for you.'
Mormons Have No Cultural Monopoly on Intolerance, Arrogance and Bigotry, But Humans Do - 'Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high-powered rifle and scope.'
Work Is Place To Recover From Vacation - 'Robert's Rule of Remembrance: ... the more important an item is, the farther away from it you have to get in order to remember you forgot it.'
Mustache Policy Didn't Come Straight From God - 'This wasn't much of a problem back then because some sister missionaries had more facial hair than I did.'
Vatican Suggests Rewrite of McDonald's Slogan: We Love to See You Smile --While You Burn in Hell - 'Welcome to Hell. Would you like to get fried with that?'
Our New Bishop Lives Across the Street From Me . . . and Right Now, He Looks Really Worried - 'When they announced his name, nobody gasped or fainted like they did the time I got called as Elder's Quorum president.'
Designing the Ward Newsletter - 'A good one would be connecting the boils on a picture of Job to produce the actual floor plan of Solomon's Temple.'
News Flash: Religious People Haven't Cornered the Market on Being Jerks - 'People who claim to know Jesus and love his word seem incapable of appreciating the irony of their behavior.'
Greeting a Missionary Coming Home Is Fine, But Please Let Other Passengers Off the Plane - 'The throng choked the gate and went wall-to-wall across the concourse.'
More to come

Dr. 60's

alien abduction

return vortex

what diet?

Picasso on Kirby

Mt. Rushmore or Moon picture?

knock knock



bullet See also

Columns by Robert Kirby - Salt Lake Tribune's archive - Kirby's official website featuring books, upcoming appearances.
Mormon Humor? Get Serious - Florida's Naples News interview with Robert Kirby.
Maybe Mormons Need a Prenuptial Agreement Divvying Up Their Eternal Rewards - Article from the weekend Salt Lake Tribune, reprinted in the newsgroup.
Greater Things JoKeS =_) and Humor with Words - Pun-ster's Word Pow Wow -- humorous (miss)usage and playing onwords. Funny photos, oxyMormons, daffynitions, dyslexic mnemonics, paradox trivia, Tom Swifties, Miss Translations, where's Wally?


bullet Books by Robert Kirby

Sunday of the Living Dead

Wake Me for the Resurrection

Dark Angel

SundayLivDead.jpg (41236 bytes) WakeMeResurrect.jpg (32342 bytes) DarkAngel.GIF (115758 bytes)

More Info

More Info More Info

For more listings, see


bullet About Robert

Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby lives in Springville. He welcomes mail at P.O. Box 684, Springville, UT 84663, or e-mail at < >


This index created on November 4, 2000
 visits since July 24, 2001
Last updated on October 22, 2006

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