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Top 51 Oxymorons
(and then some, by Pablo)
51. Friendly Weapons
50. Act naturally
49. Found missing
48. Resident alien
47. Advanced BASIC
46. Genuine imitation
45. Airline Food
44. Good grief
43. Same difference
42. Almost exactly
41. Government organization
40. Sanitary landfill
39. Alone together
38. Legally drunk
37. Silent scream
36. British fashion
35. Living dead
34. Small crowd
33. Business ethics
32. Soft rock
31. Butt Head
30. Military Intelligence
29. Software documentation
28. New York culture
27. New classic
26. Sweet sorrow
25. Childproof
24. "Now, then ..."
23. Synthetic natural gas
22. Christian Scientists
21. Passive aggression
20. Taped live
19. Clearly misunderstood
18. Peace force
17. Extinct Life
16. Temporary tax increase
15. Computer jock
14. Plastic glasses
13. Terribly pleased
12. Computer security
11. Political science
10. Tight slacks
9. Definite maybe
8. Pretty ugly
7. Twelve-ounce pound cake
6. Diet ice cream
5. Rap music
4. Working vacation
3. Exact estimate
2. Religious tolerance
And the Number One top OXYMORON:
1. Microsoft Works
=================================
And from a resident comedian
Dear Laura;
Thanks for sending the list of Oxymoron's above. I sat in a SILENT
SCREAM, yet ALONE
TOGETHER with my MICROSOFT
WORKS attempting to create an article for
an ADVANCED
BASIC course on RELIGIOUS
TOLERANCE for
the LIVING DEAD
on this list.
I can only say GOOD GRIEF,
as I address such a SMALL CROWD.
My intention is not to cause any PASSIVE
AGGRESSION, yet this will be CLEARLY
MISUNDERSTOOD by THE
RESIDENT ALIEN. Know what I mean?
I think I will get LEGALLY DRUNK
on the GENUINE IMITATION
sacramental liquid before proceeding.
A few years ago I went on a WORKING
VACATION for writing a piece of RAP
MUSIC. It turned out PRETTY
UGLY so I tossed it out into the SANITARY
LANDFILL,
you know, one of those GOVERNMENTAL
ORGANIZATIONAL things.
So much for BUSINESS ETHICS
as my attention turned to SOFT
ROCK with a contemporary Christian touch.
However, the BUTT HEAD
office manager, directly from MILITARY
INTELLIGENCE, wanted my songs TAPED
LIVE. It
ended up being a great success. But last night the COMPUTER
JOCK discovered that the SOFTWARE
DOCUMENTATION was
FOUND MISSING.
Such SWEET SORROW
it was when COMPUTER SECURITY
located the missing song file. The entire staff WAS
TERRIBLY PLEASED, as one can imagine. You
see, they are CHRISTIAN
SCIENTISTS. I
picked up my PLASTIC
GLASSES and we all went out to the corner drug
store and celebrated with DIET
ICE-CREAM and some TWELVE-OUNCE
POUND CAKE.
My POLITICAL
SCIENCE students voted the song a DEFINITE
MAYBE . NOW,
THEN,
this became a NEW CLASSIC
amongst the NEW YORK CULTURE,
and the TIGHT SLACKS
in BRITISH FASHION
pushed the ratings over the top, which resulted in a TEMPORARY
TAX INCREASE for that quarter. Well, this WAS
ALMOST EXACTLY how it happened.
I'll tell you more, if I survive the AIRLINE
FOOD while traveling to you. If when you
see me and I don't ACT NATURALLY,
it may be related to the resultant SYNTHETIC
NATURAL GAS. Oh, by the way, did you know that
the peanut bags served by the airlines nowadays are CHILDPROOF?
I was told by the stewardess, it was a DEFINITE
MAYBE these same peanuts are provided to the PEACE
FORCE, for use as FRIENDLY
WEAPONS. Can
you believe that?......Pablo <door@camasnet.com>
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