You make me think, evaluate and put into words, Keith, something that is usually wordless to me.  Hmmmm.  I would say that soul contact feels like gut instinct with a tinge of joy attached when hearing or reading truth.  It feels like a deep gut instinct when it is about something unpleasant and there just is no doubt.  It goes beyond a mental conjecturing.  I would imagine it would be like seeing a computer problem and just knowing inside yourself what the problem is and going after it and fixing it. Another may ask you, :How did you know that was the problem?" and you reply, "I just did."   If someone were to try and persuade you differently mid-way, you would look up and say "Thanks, if this doesn't work, I'll try it", but inside you know it will work.  It feels very focused, very centered, very gut right, but it starts to involve the heart or feelings of joy.  It often isn't a huge feeling of joy either, just a tinge of it.  I also seem to feel peaceful somehow or centered or extremely balanced.  I am just very sure of it.  But not in a cocky way, sure--it is a peaceful or calm feeling

 

I have also learned, right on the heels of this experience , quite often some ego thing tries to sneak in there and take over.  I think this is why people who experience soul contact, but then don't stay centered on that experience, get thrown a left hook and don't even know it.  For instance in reading something about the third initiation I may feel soul contact about the principle, but then an ego thought slips in going, well, you have had that, you don't need to worry about it; when in actuality I may be far from a third initiation.  When I slip out of feeling centered and balanced and a calm knowing into something that is just telling me that I am the next greatest thing to sliced bread, I know I am out of soul contact and into ego.  Ego is not calm, it has an edge to it.

 

Think of soul contact as being on a continuum.  We are gently guided along until we go from a babe in the woods nudge to a full fledged soul contact.

 

At first you have this sudden thought that maybe you ought to do something.  So you do it and it turns out to have been a good thing to stop at a green light because a car just ran the red light.  You think, WEIRD.  Next time you get a thought to call somebody you hadn't thought of in a while and find out their father just died and they needed to talk.  Or maybe in a bookstore you get a feeling to pick up a certain book and you buy it.  It ends up answering some big questions you have been pondering.  You wonder how the heck did I know to get that book?  The more you follow those out of the blue thoughts or instincts, the more you learn that they are accompanied by a certain feeling which is why they are called a gut instinct.  When you don't follow them you also learn--but often in a painful way. 

 

Perhaps when hearing something in a movie it just sits right with you.  You repeat the phrase to yourself later, and you just kind of smile.  It is just SO true.  You don't ponder it to figure out if it's true, you ponder it like a connoisseur tasting wine, to enjoy its full effect.  You start to see even more how very true a statement it is.  You find yourself repeating it to others.  You just love how it feels when you talk about it.  It's a blast to watch the light go on in other people's eyes when they "get it" too.  You start to live for those moments when you can find another statement like that--in a book, in a movie, on an email list, from a kid.  You don't care.  You are on the prowl for these tidbits.

 

And damn if you don't find them and find them and find them.  It is just too much fun.  Life is never boring for you.  At a stoplight, you have all these gems to ruminate on.  You start to sprinkle them in your conversations.  When you write them to your favorite email list, you almost wonder at the wisdom coming from your fingers.  It's like being a comedian and having a really good "on" night.  You just know when you are rocking the house.  And it spurs you on because it's really a high.  Not a "I'm so hot and much better than you" high but a "Damn, I'm having fun, and I am lucky to have stumbled on this stuff " kind of high.

 

There are other experiences people mistake for soul contact. 

 

When I am just playing mental games and using logic to figure something out, when I come upon a conclusion without soul contact, there is just this feeling of, I am smart and I figured this out and don't anybody tell me any differently.  There's this testiness about it and some cockiness attached whether I can hide it or not.  So if someone challenges me I throw up all these logical reasons why I am right and don't mess with me.  I quote my favorite authorities ad naseum and I laugh at yours.  The testosterone level rises so high you can almost smell it, and I'm a woman.  Watch out if it's a man pulling this one, the stink is overpowering!!

 

In religious circles we intellectuals have long discussions full of scriptures and writings of authorities and lots of finger pointing and raised voices.  It is not for the faint of heart.  You gotta know your stuff and you gotta let others know that you know it.  It feels good to be around such smart people who can use their brains and figure out all the symbolism and see the patterns and cross reference scriptures without even looking them up.  You have to know the scriptures by heart or find them really fast or you just won't keep up.  You look down on those who aren't studying like they should be and scoff at their simple remarks.  You stand tall, talk fast, and look people in the eye.  You make a good proselytizer or speaker.  You are often a leader.  Others respect you and fear you.  Unless they are really good, they don't dare oppose your thoughts on any subject.  When you say you "know" something to be true, others figure you probably do because you study so much.  They often jump on the bandwagon with you, figuring they can't go wrong. 

 

Conversely, if something just brings up all these strong emotions in me, I am more into the emotional side of it and I am just not in touch with my mind at all.  It is like being in love with a jerk.  All you know are the feelings and you don't look at the person.  Or in the moment someone is telling you this highly emotional story, you just feel swept away, but later you re-tell it to someone and they get all caught up in the emotion of it, but that's where it ends.  It is just a very touching story.  It is a string of facts that pulls at your strings.  There is a rush of emotion and it feels good in the moment, but it doesn't last.  In the re-telling of the story eventually the rush wears off and it's old stuff so you are off in search of a new story that will give you a new rush.  So much of religion exists in this realm. 

 

Don't get me wrong.  As a woman, I love it.  I subscribe to the "Angels" magazine and watch "It's a Miracle" and Hallmark sappy movies are my favorite.  Did you see "The Bachelor"?  I bet he would choose me.  I could handle him.  They all are a rush and it's fun while I'm doing it, but usually when it's over, it's over.  I might tingle for an hour or two or remember a line from a movie like, "You complete me," and feel all swoony inside.  Don't try and tell me that it makes no sense and how are you incomplete anyway?  I will kick your shins for intruding upon "my moment," it is just So Sweet, SO romantic......pass the Kleenex Oprah!

 

In religious circles the stories bring on the tears and I feel so good inside, I just "know" that the speaker is testifying to God's deepest truths.  I just feel all warm and tingly inside.  I get to feel right and better than others (or pity the poor souls) who don't know what I "know."  I marvel that God would choose ME and MY friends and loved ones to be the special ones.  Wow.  I must have been pretty cool to be so privileged in this existence.  If I don't tell my friends about this truth they will have this awful existence in eternity and I will just feel so guilty!  If I don't do my families temple work in the one and true temple we won't get to be a family and I will just feel like it is all my fault and how will I live with myself?  I never go to church without a tissue. 

 

Soul contact is not just book learning, it is not tingly feelings all over, it is not something to brag about or feel "better than" about.  It is a calm knowing that translates to action.  If it doesn't translate to some sort of action I just don't have the same level of soul contact.  It is like my cup is full if I don't empty it by giving some of it to others.  There is no sense in trying to pour more in until there is a need. 

 

So I share what I know to be true, I live what I learn.  I evaluate myself and look for ways to do more, to do better, to expand my horizons.  I make mistakes;I say it wrong; I hurt people; but I un-do the damage; I re-phrase it; I make amends.  

 

I start to get a sense that I have a niche.  I have been given gifts and I want to use them to further God's purpose.  I don't know how exactly, but I keep pushing the envelope, I keep trying and eventually I get it.  I know.  And I do it.  Maybe not perfectly, maybe not all the time, but I make an honest effort to do all in my power to use my gifts for God. 

 

Then after a lull, I get more.  And it is like a drink of cool water after pulling weeds for an hour.  It satisfies like nothing else.  I don't have to shout.  I don't have to pull at people's heart strings.  I just share it and watch their eyes light up.  I watch them get hungry for more and I remember that feeling--and I smile.  This is fun.  This makes it all worth it.  And if it is my child whose eyes light up it is a joy beyond joy.  Soul contact.....nudges, thoughts, gut feelings, knowing, but always doing; always following the highest that I know; always emptying my cup for more. 

 

I tip my glass to you, Keith.  Pass it on.

 

Susan